Sunday, 28 August 2011

Disappointment on a row

Don’t ask me about that Friday. It was an unfulfilling night with lots of anticipation and expectation but no goods to be delivered.

It’s officially a dry spell. Where exactly do eligible single guys hang out?

I’ve tried bookstores, cafes, clubs, pubs, sports shops and even supermarkets. But the only glimpse of any potential species is hanging off the arms of other creatures. I remember a particular incident when I was making eyes at A-Cute-One across the shelves of the now defunct Borders. We soon ended up chatting about Books, Weather and Holidays. Just as I was about to gather my courage and ask him for his number, his Significant-Other swopped over, dangled her big-ass-proposal ring as a shield between us, and said Hi.

Well, truth is, she seemed like a nice lady.

I, of course, graciously shook and hand, commented what a nice couple they made and furiously wishing I was the one with the ring instead.

Oh, sour grapes.

Engaged and married men (especially the cute ones) should never be allowed to speak to single women. Spare us the disappointment please.

Not loving,
Esther Nook


Monday, 15 August 2011

On the prowl

I am going on a prowl this coming Friday night with my girlfriends F and S.

Wish me luck. Or rather, wish the men luck.


Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Chardonnay's thoughts

As I sat here by my window sill, sipping my glass of Chardonnay, I couldn’t help but to dip into a momentary lapse of melancholy.

Loneliness is over-rated. It is alright to be alone and single in this big, crowded city. I should not be afraid and be so desperate to look for love...right?

This whole blog started as a grand idea to document my journey to find love. And when I do find him (or her – well, never say never), I can show him/her this journal and how I have come to complete the circle with him/her.

Romantic, ain’t it?

Apparently not so. With the list of endless whining, I realized I have become someone whom the society is terrified of.

The crazy old single woman.

So cheers to all, my family, my friends and total strangers who live on voyeurism in this modern world (I am one of them). May we all find love tonight.

Esther Nook


Sunday, 7 August 2011

Second Date - Captain America

The American man…strong, masculine and eager to please. What he lacks in size, he makes up for it in valor. My Captain America….

Date 2

Nationality: American

Looks: Hunky…towering….My heart literally skipped a beat when he walks through the door

Personality: Gregarious and enjoys his food. He is a man with lots of sensitive spots. He even did magic trick in an attempt (albeit a weak one) to humor me.

Age: 38

Occupation: Marine life biologist (Can anyone have a more exotic job than this?)

Looking for: A life-partner

Performance in bed: Certainly knows how and where to please. However the verdict is, size does matter

Result: Size does matter. Sadly.



Thursday, 28 July 2011

Monday, 25 July 2011

First Date

Date 1

Nationality: Mixed (Chinese + Indian)

Looks: Bald (He said it’s his fashion statement. These days you really can’t tell if its really that or he’s actually follically challenged)

Personality: Assertive, Funny & probably an Alpha-Male

Age: 36

Occupation: Lecturer

Looking for: A woman to stimulate both his heads

Performance in bed: Didn’t find out. We didn’t go beyond dinner.

Result: He thinks I have shifty eyes and that to him indicated lack of sincerity. In my defense, I didn’t know which head to look at.



Thursday, 21 July 2011

Battle Armour

This is my trustworthy first-date dress.

A red sweetheart neckline to barely show my cleavage as I leaned over to grab that salt over his side, a full skirt that graces the top of my knees and a black belt to cinch my waist.

My first-date dress. Or what I’ll prefer to really call it – My Battle Armour.


Monday, 18 July 2011

26 words

My entire office was shaken by my screams this morning.

I swear I wasn’t exaggerating. My joy exploded inside me and I couldn’t hold it in. This is even better than the couple who won 100 million pounds. SOMEONE REPLIED TO MY ONLINE PROFILE!!!

Bring out the wedding kit! Where should I hold my wedding dinner?! Oh dear! I need to lose weight fast! I should pick up names for our children now! Is my current savings enough for their tertiary education?

Wait…is that my biological clock or my desperado-self speaking? More like my burning loins.

ANYWAY, MOVING ON, here’s the perfect 26 words to brighten up the first day of the rest of my life. I am soooooo in love….

Hi, read your profile.

Hope we can make a couple...

BTW, Im not a chatter box, but I can talk about any subject under the sky.

Hope we can make a couple….He’s thinking along the same lines as me… Awww…..Is this love or what…?

Esther Nook – smitten by a 26-word email


Saturday, 16 July 2011

10 days and counting...

It’s been 10 days since I’ve posted my online dating profile and so far, nothing.

And I thought my profile photo of a big pair of granny’s briefs will be a natural ice-breaker.

I was so wrong. I should have put a photo of a G-string.

Or maybe Angelina Jolie.

And so, I keep on waiting.


Wednesday, 6 July 2011

My First Date

I was only 14 and he was 15. He was a senior in my school - a geek who wore spectacles. This was the time when geeks are not ruling the world yet. There’s nothing cool about him. But I saw his pair of beautiful eyes behind those thick spectacles.

I received a call from him one day wanting to be friends. He had a funny voice and sounded like Donald Duck. Maybe it was the Disney-fetish but I was actually interested. He said he was attracted to me at the very first sight.

Of course I didn’t believe him. I was a skinny, plain girl then. (how I've actually put on a gazillion pounds over 13 years, I'll never understand)

Anyway, we went out for awhile. I gave him my first kiss on a double-decker bus. It was a rainy day and the kiss was wet and warm. I have better kisses as I grow up but somehow, you will never forget your first.

We broke off a few months later as he thought I was too wilful. The Bitch in me was being born then. I couldn’t get over him and badgered him to return. He agreed but only in exchange for the premature abortion of the Bitch-in-me. I agreed to change and we got back again. A few months later, he stopped calling suddenly. No action. No word. No closure. This Geek gave birth to the darker side of me.

It took me a year to get over him. After which, I always have a thing for geeks in spectacles. With my virginity intact, my 15-year-old self roamed the world swearing off any guys who hated the Bitch in me. Love me, love my Bitch.


Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Online Dating Profile

Here’s my online dating profile on

I have to down 2 glasses of vodka before I finally decide to create this profile.

This is Esther Nook – the lovely, innocent single girl looking for love.

I am so going to hell for lying. Somebody get me a 3rd glass of vodka, please.


Saturday, 2 July 2011

Guys I Won't Date

Ever read the book Undateable? Here’s my own list.

Guys I will never ever date (even if I am only virgin woman left on Earth):

Guys who smoke
Guys who dress like gays or hip hop dancers
Guys with body odor
Guys with a wandering eye
Guys with too much hair (anywhere else but the head)
Guys with too little hair (on the head. Umm…the head on top, not the one below)


Thursday, 30 June 2011

Love & Money

After the movies last night, I adjourned to a pub at an International Hotel Chain. The place was empty except for a few patrons.

10 minutes later, hordes of Asian girls flock in.

Working Asian Girls.

They came, approached the single, lonely men who were there at the pub, laughed, flicked their hair, touched their hands, threw their bodies towards them and within 5 minutes, left with their new “customers” hand in hand. I saw it in front of my eyes, not once, but a couple of times last night.

Welcome to the World of Fast Food Love.

Love, lust, or whatever you want to call it, is simply an exchange of money in our Fast Food World. You want some food? Wait at the counter, give me your order, hand me the money and within a minute, ta-da! Food is served. You want some love? Go sign up at the gazillion matchmaking agencies in the market – clamoring for whatever money singles have. Register with them, pay the membership and wait in line for your next great date (or so they promise).

Whatever happens to I-Want-Love-And-Not-Money/Romeo-and-Juliet soap opera situations that exist in the past? It seems that without money, we can’t find love now.

I read a report a few days ago about a man who signed up with 5 different dating agencies. He went out on 5 dates and on every date, he was matched with the same girl. SAME GIRL. Holy Christ. It’s either they are destined to be together or there are just too many matchmaking agencies who are making money out of our plight.

After being single for the past 6 years, I don’t believe in Destiny anymore. 

I believe in Free-Online-Dating Agencies. And so, here’s my quest to find a great online-dating agency who offers free database listing and search functions.

Until the next bout of loneliness kick in, maybe I’ll consider the possibility of exchanging money for the hope of Love again. Till then, wish me luck. I’ll keep updating.

With lots of Love (don’t worry, I’m not charging you any money),
Esther Nook


Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Online Dating Profile - Truth/False

Here comes the crunch. Should I spill the truth and risk having no messages or create an enticing image to garner at least a few first (but probably only) dates?

TRUTH                                                                                  WHAT MEN WISH IS THE TRUTH
Name: Esther Nook                                                        Name: Honey Jelly Smith
Age: 27                                                                                 Age: 24
Location: Earth                                                                  Location: Heaven (People say I’m an Angel *wink*)
Sexuality: Female (STRAIGHT)                                   Sexuality: Adventurous
Body Type: Medium                                                       Body Type: Curvaceous. Vivacious. Perfect.
Personality: Introvert                                                    Personality: Fun-loving
Looks: Average                                                                 Looks: Sweet, chic and feminine
Hobbies: Reading.                                                           Hobbies: A wide variety
Looking for: A life-partner                                           Looking for: Someone to laugh and enjoy life


Tuesday, 28 June 2011


The Web 2.0 world scares me. Anyone and everyone can know anything and everything from anywhere and everywhere.

My CPU was emitting a long beeping sound this morning. What the hell was that, I asked myself. I decided to ask Mr Google instead. Mr Google showed me to the right G-spot (Google-spot) and apparently, there’s something wrong with my RAM. I Wikipedia-ed the letters “R-A-M” and Wikihow-ed the procedures to tear open my CPU. After I have dissembled and re-assembled everything, I realized I have the book “DUMMIES GUIDE TO COMPUTER MEMORY UPGRADE” sitting on my bookshelf. The Internet wins at the end of the day. Walkover. No Contest. And that’s how Borders became bankrupt.

My whole dating life lies on the web with her legs wide open too. I’m on online dating websites, I stalk dates on Facebook and Twitter pages and I’ve flirted amorously online more than I have shared the same breathing space with men. I think I’ve lost touch on how to actually meet them face-to face.

What do I do when there’s an awkward silence? I can’t put up smiley face icons. I cannot escape and walk away from the screen. I cannot make funny faces at him, thinking he is the biggest jerk in the world but yet replying back sweetly. Crap. That man will be a real-life body sitting in front of me.

The Internet is my escape. But if I really want to find my next true love, I have to put myself out there. It’s time to update my online dating profile and plan for a series of dates. To quote Alfred Nobel, “If I have a thousand ideas and only one turns out to be good, I am satisfied”, for me, if I meet a thousand jerks and only one turns out to be perfect, I am married.

Watch out World. Plain Old Jane is coming back.


Monday, 27 June 2011

Intro: I Am Esther Nook.

My name is Esther. But it should have been Jane. Every Esther I’ve met is funny, hip and cool. But I am plain.

Plain Old Jane.

I am 27 years old, a city-dweller and single. Recognize the punchline? Yes. I am SINGLE. Desperate and single. What does a girl have to do to get a decent date, I often wonder.

I have been single for the past 6 years. The last relationship was in 2005 with a wizard. Apparently he had put a spell that forbids any man to appear within 2km radius from me. If anyone can be re-virginized from 1-year of abstinence, I have been re-virginized 6 times over.

Is this the desperate woman speaking or a sexually-desperate woman speaking? Well, no difference. Women have needs too. Welcome to the 21st century where women have balls, testosterone and a raging appetite for S.E.X.

I need to get laid attached.