Thursday, 30 June 2011

Love & Money

After the movies last night, I adjourned to a pub at an International Hotel Chain. The place was empty except for a few patrons.

10 minutes later, hordes of Asian girls flock in.

Working Asian Girls.

They came, approached the single, lonely men who were there at the pub, laughed, flicked their hair, touched their hands, threw their bodies towards them and within 5 minutes, left with their new “customers” hand in hand. I saw it in front of my eyes, not once, but a couple of times last night.

Welcome to the World of Fast Food Love.

Love, lust, or whatever you want to call it, is simply an exchange of money in our Fast Food World. You want some food? Wait at the counter, give me your order, hand me the money and within a minute, ta-da! Food is served. You want some love? Go sign up at the gazillion matchmaking agencies in the market – clamoring for whatever money singles have. Register with them, pay the membership and wait in line for your next great date (or so they promise).

Whatever happens to I-Want-Love-And-Not-Money/Romeo-and-Juliet soap opera situations that exist in the past? It seems that without money, we can’t find love now.

I read a report a few days ago about a man who signed up with 5 different dating agencies. He went out on 5 dates and on every date, he was matched with the same girl. SAME GIRL. Holy Christ. It’s either they are destined to be together or there are just too many matchmaking agencies who are making money out of our plight.

After being single for the past 6 years, I don’t believe in Destiny anymore. 

I believe in Free-Online-Dating Agencies. And so, here’s my quest to find a great online-dating agency who offers free database listing and search functions.

Until the next bout of loneliness kick in, maybe I’ll consider the possibility of exchanging money for the hope of Love again. Till then, wish me luck. I’ll keep updating.

With lots of Love (don’t worry, I’m not charging you any money),
Esther Nook


Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Online Dating Profile - Truth/False

Here comes the crunch. Should I spill the truth and risk having no messages or create an enticing image to garner at least a few first (but probably only) dates?

TRUTH                                                                                  WHAT MEN WISH IS THE TRUTH
Name: Esther Nook                                                        Name: Honey Jelly Smith
Age: 27                                                                                 Age: 24
Location: Earth                                                                  Location: Heaven (People say I’m an Angel *wink*)
Sexuality: Female (STRAIGHT)                                   Sexuality: Adventurous
Body Type: Medium                                                       Body Type: Curvaceous. Vivacious. Perfect.
Personality: Introvert                                                    Personality: Fun-loving
Looks: Average                                                                 Looks: Sweet, chic and feminine
Hobbies: Reading.                                                           Hobbies: A wide variety
Looking for: A life-partner                                           Looking for: Someone to laugh and enjoy life


Tuesday, 28 June 2011


The Web 2.0 world scares me. Anyone and everyone can know anything and everything from anywhere and everywhere.

My CPU was emitting a long beeping sound this morning. What the hell was that, I asked myself. I decided to ask Mr Google instead. Mr Google showed me to the right G-spot (Google-spot) and apparently, there’s something wrong with my RAM. I Wikipedia-ed the letters “R-A-M” and Wikihow-ed the procedures to tear open my CPU. After I have dissembled and re-assembled everything, I realized I have the book “DUMMIES GUIDE TO COMPUTER MEMORY UPGRADE” sitting on my bookshelf. The Internet wins at the end of the day. Walkover. No Contest. And that’s how Borders became bankrupt.

My whole dating life lies on the web with her legs wide open too. I’m on online dating websites, I stalk dates on Facebook and Twitter pages and I’ve flirted amorously online more than I have shared the same breathing space with men. I think I’ve lost touch on how to actually meet them face-to face.

What do I do when there’s an awkward silence? I can’t put up smiley face icons. I cannot escape and walk away from the screen. I cannot make funny faces at him, thinking he is the biggest jerk in the world but yet replying back sweetly. Crap. That man will be a real-life body sitting in front of me.

The Internet is my escape. But if I really want to find my next true love, I have to put myself out there. It’s time to update my online dating profile and plan for a series of dates. To quote Alfred Nobel, “If I have a thousand ideas and only one turns out to be good, I am satisfied”, for me, if I meet a thousand jerks and only one turns out to be perfect, I am married.

Watch out World. Plain Old Jane is coming back.


Monday, 27 June 2011

Intro: I Am Esther Nook.

My name is Esther. But it should have been Jane. Every Esther I’ve met is funny, hip and cool. But I am plain.

Plain Old Jane.

I am 27 years old, a city-dweller and single. Recognize the punchline? Yes. I am SINGLE. Desperate and single. What does a girl have to do to get a decent date, I often wonder.

I have been single for the past 6 years. The last relationship was in 2005 with a wizard. Apparently he had put a spell that forbids any man to appear within 2km radius from me. If anyone can be re-virginized from 1-year of abstinence, I have been re-virginized 6 times over.

Is this the desperate woman speaking or a sexually-desperate woman speaking? Well, no difference. Women have needs too. Welcome to the 21st century where women have balls, testosterone and a raging appetite for S.E.X.

I need to get laid attached.